I am not sure if it is because of finals, but sometimes I think about how I feel at the moment, and I am not entirely happy. I cannot pinpoint it, but it is either because of school, because of friends, or just because. The feeling does not last very long, but it is there at random times. I think once school is over, it will disappear, but until now, I wonder what my mind is trying to tell me.

I've had my eye on this leather jacket for a year now. It's black with a grey sweater. Obey. Hella chill, bad girl, and classy all wrapped in one. I love it. Except it was $$$ the year before. I can't remember what the actual price was, but this year, I found it at Urban Outfitters for $140 with 30% off. Then I looked it up on ObeyClothing.com and it was $114. Cheaper, but I've never bought a sweater for $100+. I know. I'm poor, cheap, and broke.

Except I've been wanting this jacket for SO long. It's been a year now and I just can't stop wanting it... so I figured, hey, that's a good excuse to get it, right? If you know you've been wanting it for about a year now, it should be worth it to you. Yet, I still couldn't get my mind to put in that money.

So I posted it up on facebook to see if other people can give me that last push to buy it. Except something crazy happened. One of my friends, who I have this curse of not being able to hang out with, just posted, "Merry Christmas Linh :) hahahaha why thank you hahaha" and I'm sitting in my chair like... wait... What just happened here? I'm like... does he mean he bought it? But no, it's $114 there's no way he bought it... Does that mean he thinks I should get it for my own Christmas present? Omg. I'm so confused.

I know. BLOND MOMENT. I just couldn't shake this surprise off. Even when he clarified and said, "Let's just say you shouldn't buy that :P hahaha," I was sitting in my chair like O.O What just happened?????

You cannot believe how much this blew my mind. I knew we were good friends, but we had never given each other gifts before. We hang out maybe once every three months because of our curse. We get to speak to each other maybe once a week and we're off working or doing homework. It honestly blew my mind and then I started to freak out. In my head, I'm just like OMG! OMG! Do I decline the gift? It's just so expensive! All of this was just mixed in with my shocked face. O.O In the end, I just decided to accept the gift and promise myself that I would give him something good in return. So I guess you better watch out, Matt! I'm stalking your Christmas list!

I'm very appreciative. I never thought that my post would have ended that way. I never thought my friend would just buy me something that expensive so randomly and unexpectedly. It was a deed of pure giving and pure friendship. It blew my mind away because it's been a really long time since that has happened. Don't get me wrong. I have AMAZING friends, who I know are always there for me. Matt just blew me away with his surprise because it was just so selfless. Thank you, Matt. You truly made me feel like I had an amazing friend today.


P.S. I know I used the term "blew my mind" away a lot in this blog, but it was truly what I felt at the time. No other words could have described my thought process in better terminologies.

Those words have crossed my mind and a break up would follow right after. I wonder if that's supposed to happen. I wonder if every relationship goes through that. My friend said to me, "You will always have problems in every relationship. You're going to go through problems with every single person, so don't go running if you think that's going to solve anything." She's right... but since it's the first time I've gone through it all, I just don't know what to expect.

Things are crazy right now. One day I'm okay and the next i want to break up. I feel like I can't control my emotions. I need and crave attention and time. I'm starting to feel the drain of distance and opposition. Some days I'm needy and some days I'm not. I feel like I'm pregnant and my hormones are running wild...let's just thank god it's not that. I don't know... I keep waiting for him to move here so that things can get better but it's taking a while. I just don't know how long I can last until it all comes crashing.

I know I'm complaining and things will probably get better, but this moment of weakness, written in a blog that traffics one footprint a week....well, it makes me feel better. I just wish I knew if holding onto someone that you feel is too different for you is going to work out or not.

I keep visiting this website, hoping I would have a story for you guys, but I guess I don't. Truth is, I'm pretty content with life right now. :) But school starts tomorrow (technically, today), so I'm guessing there will be new stories to be told soon. Till then, I hope more sunny days come my way, and yours.

When I was a freshmen in college, I met this amazingly, cute, smart and artistic man named Unknown. Obviously, his name isn't Unknown, but let's just leave it at that. He sat next to me in Asian American History class, with his big blue eyes and charming smile, and I wondered how I got so lucky. I later found out that he sat next to me on purpose. We passed notes in class and he would wake me up if I ever fell asleep; He kept me focused, gave me advice, made me think about life, and was always smiling and patient. Our timing was off though, because before I met this guy, I had met another guy (Mystery), whom I was already talking to. Due to loyalty, I stuck around with Mystery, so when Unknown asked me to be his girlfriend, after only talking for a few weeks, I said I couldn't accept. From then on, we became good friends (though I'm sure both of us had underlying feelings for one another). I remember the one thing he said when he asked me out. I had asked him, "We've barely just met; don't you think it's a little early to ask me out?" and he had responded with, "I know what I want and I know who I am compatible with." At that time, I don't think I believed him, but now that I look back, I think he knew it all along.

After my short relationship with Mystery, I met Mr.Unicorn. Mr.Unicorn was special. He made me love him in a way that others couldn't. He tried so hard to grab my attention that it made me fall for him quickly and blindly. I was at the point where I would do anything for him, even at the expense of a friend. Hence, this blind feeling led to my breaking friendship with Unknown, and that was that. It was a horrible downfall...and since then, I've always regretted the circumstances that fell upon me at the time.

Fast forward. Three years later and I am now with my new boyfriend, Daniel Ha. He is wise, mature, patient, and stern. In many ways, he reminds me of my Unknown friend. Sometimes I look back and I wonder how things would have been if I had understood all of it. I look back now and the mistakes that tore us apart seems so little. The reasons why we gave it a chance and it didn't go through was because I was so young and naive. It makes me wonder what would have happened to us if I had been older and wiser-how things would have differed. I know he was right, because of how my relationship is now.

Unknown and Daniel are so similar in mind, action, and lifestyle. The timing was off by 4 years, so even if my Unknown friend and I had gotten together, I don't think we would have lasted. I was too young to have made good decisions, and I was still oblivious to the truth of the world. I now leave behind just an apology message for my stupid mistakes.

In the end, it all dies out. My apology probably doesn't mean anything to him, but it means something to me. I've regretted the talk we had since it happened, and I will forever carry it on as a regret. I let someone else make the choice for me, and I hope that never happens again.

I'm not trying to compare my boyfriend to Unknown. I'm not trying to say anything about it. I think I'm just thinking about it, so I'm choosing to write it down. This is my story of a second chance, but it is not an equal chance, because I can not and will not tell you that either one of them is the better choice. All I know is that I did what I did and what we have today is what we've got. Everything else will just fall into place, just as my memory has and will.